20 km/hr can change your life forever

Its said that speed kills, in no small measure 20 kms speed can not only destroy lives but also change it when its unexpected... Whatever it is I still haven’t been able to decipher even after 12 long years, a story which someone out there might help me out with. 

It started with a small incident but the related incidents quickly changed it all. It was the November of 2006 and I was gearing up for the cat exam in just over 10 days. One day early morning, I was driving my 2 wheeler with my father on the pillon. It was foggy and I was driving with caution when suddenly at an intersection suddenly 2 dogs came fighting from the left side of the road and by the time I braked, I had crashed into them. My speed was just 20 kms. I was thrown away some 5 ft away due to impact, the only thing that saved my life- helmet but I had received injuries. My denim jacket had ripped off, stomach had bruised and I had blood oozing out, my sandal was shred to pieces, left foot had the skin peeled off, blood had frozen from the wound due to the cold and I have having bouts of unconsciousness. 

Father drove back home and I lost unconsciousness in the last 7 kms back. Got home, washed the wound and went to sleep as I have having sudden weakness and unconsciousness. Already with a time crunch with preps, I did not go to a doc fearing he would put me on meds and If I rest I might lose prep time. I gave my CAT by applying boroline on my wound and bandaging it with simple white cotton and bandage. The knot of the bandage was just above my wound and underneath the sports shoe flap. Due to the pain and all with no meds I lost unconsciousness in the exam hall for 3 mins – that was the time when CAT was held paper style (don’t know about today). I knew it was game over- 3 mins in an exam is just like being blinded in the middle of a war- you become the target. My IIM dreams and subsequent ones got over. The only saving grace was that I had MAT as a backup and it was some 9 days away. 

Coming back I immediately went to the doctor in my neighbourhood whom I had known for the last 10 years, I narrated him, he inspected the wound and said to me, “ I might have to amputate your leg, the poison is spreading real fast”. Time stood still for me then. I told him that I had another exam and I did not wanted a repeat of the exam hall and requested him to give the highest power injection he had but to save my leg (I am shit scared of injections). He immediately gave me an injection and put me on a dose that might shudder you – 16 tabs in the whole day, 750 mg each. That’s how bad it had gone in the last 10 days. 

I did learn one thing that day- everyone has a different pain bearing limit, any more than that and the body loses consciousness. So the next time you see a grown up man cry in physical pain please don’t give him the crap about “men don’t cry”. Cleaning that wound was a challenge, an infectious skin had covered my wound and it was imperative to remove it and clean it everyday with potassium permagenate. Even touching that by soaked cotton was hell and I had screamed quite loudly when I tried to clean it the 1st time that my neighbours had come to check me out. So here what I used to do- Go to the roof, sit on a chair with a box full of ear buds, the solution and a hankie. I used to stuff the whole hankie in my mouth and scream in pain while cleaning the wound with the buds. My course ran from November till the full feb of next year. I had cracked MAT dec. , all thanks to my doc. The med count had been a whooping 500+ with such power. The stomach had become a chemical factory with my tongue devoid of any taste and body reeking of tab smells. I stopped the course 7 days before my schedule because my body could not take it anymore. 

Whats the harm you might ask? Here are the related events which happened. CAT fiasco meant that I could not get any good B schools. Secured admission in a B School in July 2007, passing in 2009 in the peak of recession which meant that no placement, no job. I searched for jobs for the next 1 year in various cities having tried all job portals and all. Eventually sold Prepaid SIM cards under a canopy for 6k for a month for a now defunct mobile company. 

Another spoke in this 20 km/hr wheel is love. She was my classmate from school( we lost touch after school and there was no such social networks in our time), discovered her by chance during my MBA. I was in Jaipur and she was doing it from Delhi, from the school B school which was my target during CAT. Later on came to know that she had left med preparation and ventured into management. It took me time to connect with her again and the confidence to talk with her. I become confident very late in life. Over the period of time I realized that I loved her…from the bottom of my heart irrespective of the flaws she had. It made me realise that when you love a person you realise how far you would go for a person, pushing your limits. The bottom line- some circumstances and my family made a huge ekta Kapoor style drama when I brought up the marriage idea to them. “ Who gave you that right to decide whom you can marry, She is not a Mathur in the 1st place”.. I could go on and on with the events, reasons, actions but that all brings me so much pain thinking that I would stop there. At that time in 2012 I was working in Delhi at a sub 20k pay package. 

After she got married, I was under so much pain that I decided to let my pain out there somewhere and that’s when I remembered my blog. Had created it in 2005 but never got time to pursue it effectively. Wrote a few more posts and then searched for a blogging directory which lead me to Indiblogger in 2013. Apart from that I discovered a great bunch of people and their poetry venture where I probably found some of the best friends for life. They heard my deepest sadness and biggest fear… they never questioned my love, understood when my recitation stopped abruptly. As for Indi I kept discovering new categories to write. The process of discovering awesome people continues with the huge number of blogger meets I attended. 

So this is basically a part of my life where 20 km/hr totally changed my life – for better for worse I don’t know really. Many a times I have thought that what would have happened had my speed been a bit slow and reflexes even faster. The scars of that injury still remain- physically and mentally. I would have gotten into a better B school on time where I might have not faced so many issues with job, a better pay scale to start with. It took me 7 years to get a respectable pay grade in a PSU finally. Had things gone a bit differently maybe I could have not lost…her… Would I have discovered blogging and all??? 

I don’t know for sure … I really don’t but deep down somewhere I know those that foggy morning memories do give me pain.. 20 km/hr can change your life forever.